3 Lessons that Life taught me
I’ve led an adventurous and rather unconventional life. I have studied many philosophies – spiritual, psychological and intellectual.
These are the things that I have learnt about life which have informed my happiness and resilience.
1. The universe is friendly.
Einstein is quoted as saying “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” I have come to understand that we do live in a friendly universe, or at least I do, when I allow myself to take that perspective.
Photo: Taton Moise Unsplash
Photo: Yustinus Subiakto. Unsplash
What this means for me is that everything that happens is for my greater good, and not against me. This is not the view that I inherited from my family, in fact my mother’s mantra to me growing up was that ‘Life is not fair”. I spent many years feeling victimised by my own thoughts and beliefs about life until I came to understand from observing my own life experience and seeing how I have grown from adversity like heartbreak, loss and disappointment and how they have served me and my growth.
This is not positive thinking, or adopting a Pollyanna attitude to life, this is a realisation which comes from looking deeply into what happens to oneself and observing closely and honestly. If, at times, I do feel victimised by life circumstances, it is my commitment to myself, and life, to see through my victimisation to the truth that I intuited beneath it.
In the current situation with Coronavirus, there is undoubtedly a great deal of hardship and suffering, but I also feel that where this is all headed will end up being a ‘friendly’ place for all of us. A re-evaluation of how we live and coming together in a way that will dissolve some of the divisiveness that has infected society in recent years.
Photo: Darren Bockman Unplash
2. You don’t have to believe your thoughts.
I have always been a thinker, perhaps overly analytical. Because of my bright mind, I have two degrees and have had three different careers in extremely diverse areas. However, thinking has also been my greatest curse. In 2004 I came across a revolutionary process called The Work which gave me a framework to question and ultimately see through stressful thoughts. I spent 6 years sometimes questioning my thoughts daily several times a day, not just my mundane everyday thoughts, but some thoughts that I held as sacred beliefs, like the fact that I should be a mother, and have children. I remember the moment that I saw through the thought that I should be a mother, and it was like a light coming on in my mind with a whole new level of self-acceptance becoming available to me and a whole new array of possibilities.
Photo: Olenka Kotyk Unsplash
Photo: Mary Louise by Faustomaria Dorelli
Because of this training, I came to have a very loose relationship to thought. I was able to see through or let go of thoughts much more easily when I realised that thoughts are optional, it’s not necessary to believe them, they are just thoughts, not truths. This gave me more space and freedom from thoughts which could otherwise cause me stress and unhappiness. I could go from deep despair to joy in minutes by questioning and seeing through a thought. Consequently, I now understand deeply that the worst thing that can happen to us is only a thought and that freedom and joy in any situation are often only a thought away.
3. There is always a way forward.
In any situation however hopeless, I have come to realise there is always a way forward and something in you knows what that it. I studied Focusing, which is a body- based awareness technique which stems from psychotherapy. It has helped me to tune into and trust my body’s wisdom. A few years ago, I found myself in a situation which seemed to be very stuck and it felt like a catastrophe. I lived with this situation for several years, believing my thoughts about it, and because of those thoughts, I felt unable to change things. After I discovered Focusing, I began to see that the thoughts about my situation were keeping me stuck, and when I dropped the thoughts I began to feel a sense of moving forwards, which came not from a strategy, but from relaxing into the ‘stuckness’ and trusting my body to show me the next step. Since discovering focusing, I am more at ease with my situation, and more willing to explore with curiosity the next step towards greater aliveness.
Mary Louise Morris is a mindfulness teacher and mentor who works with adults, children and teens - privately, in the workplace and in schools and colleges. Companies and corporations that she has given talks and workshops to include: Citibank, Rabobank, Deutsche Bank, the Mirror Group newspapers, Reuters and the Royal College of Nursing
Mary Louise is a member of the House of Talents , a community of professional writers, artists, actors, performers, yoga teachers, meditation and mindfulness coaches, who are offering affordable online creative courses for adults and children to learn at home. Classes include portrait painting, public speaking, creative writing, meditation, mindfulness, nutrition and more. 10% of what we earn goes to charity.
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